So for weeks (or months), I've been kinda down, trying to figure out where my life is headed. I finally graduated school and got a promotion, things should be good right? I thought I'd see my friends and family more and that work would be going better. But that didn't happen. My old position at work didn't get refilled so I ended up doing more than one job and working a lot (and stressing a lot). I ended up thinking - I'm 30 years old. I'm alone. And sure, I'm successful at my job, but is there more to my life than my job? I don't want to be the 40 year old, never married, no kids, workaholic who wishes she did more with her life. I contemplated leaving my job, starting over, trying to figure out what I wanted. It wasn't that I wasn't thankful for everything I have, because I am. I'm so thankful to the people that have provided for me, pushed me to go further and supported me. But I started wondering if it was what I really wanted.
But than I realized I'm a big gigantic jerk.
I have a stable job. I make a decent amount of money. I own my own home. Sure, I don't have anyone to share it with at the moment, but I'm in a good place in my life. I started to look around and realized that I was overthinking everything. There are a lot of issues around me, everywhere I look. My stepdad is starting dialysis and things are really not going well for him. My real dad, well, most of you know that story, he's long gone. My brother is closing down his business and having a hard time. My mom needs to figure out how she'll deal with my stepdad's illness and in the end, how she might have to live without him. Friends-one with her newborn baby in the hospital, one having relationship troubles, one scared to lose her job. All of this going on, and here I am complaining about my life. I'm a hack, I tell you! :)
I guess all of the things going on around me added up. Then add in work and being by myself and I just started to get stressed out. I started wondering if my life was by choice or by default. But today I realized...what a jerk I am. I've got more important things to worry about right now, like being there for my family and friends.
And to all of you, I'm sorry for not being there as much as I should.
Sincerely,
The Hack
