2010 Resolutions

Be more active, get out there more, try new things!
learn to play the guitar
take a vacation outside North America
do something outside at least once a week
do something new downtown at least once a month
find a church that I "belong" to
volunteer at least once a month

Health goals
run/walk outside at least once a week
run a full mile
cook every weekend for the upcoming week
hit my goal weight by the end of the year

Random stuff
buy a used piano before the end of the year
open a savings account, that actually has money in it

To My Brother

I miss you so much. It's not your birthday or an anniversary or any special day. I just miss you. That's not to say that I don't appreciate my friends and family and what they do for me, there are just times that I really miss you.

I imagine how you would be. I picture you as the best listener in the world. Maybe that's because I still talk to you and wonder what your advice would be. I picture you with a happy family - a loving wife and kids. Maybe that's because I remember you as so sweet and caring. Of course, I have no idea how you would be if you were still alive. But for some reason, I don't think I'm too far off.

And when I miss you, I imagine how much more mom and Dan must miss you. I was so young when you passed away. Dan not only had to lose a sibling when he was 13, but he was also there when the accident happened. And mom had to not only lose a child, but also make the decision to let you go.

I know you're out there watching over us and making sure we're safe. I love you.

Dear Body

Dear body...

I'm sorry I have abused you for so long. I'm sorry I've put you through so much when you have had to carry me the whole way.

I promise to think things through more often. I don't promise to be perfect or anywhere near it, but I promise to be better to you.


Dear feet...

I'm sorry I have stuffed you into uncomfortable shoes and put you through long days of nothing but standing.

Thank you for supporting me. You allowed me to climb the Great Wall of China. You allowed me to run out of my demolished house when a tornado rolled through it. You allow me to feel the sand between my toes on the beaches of the world. You allow me to do so many things and I promise to treat you to pedicures more often and wear uncomfortable heels less often.


Dear legs...

I'm sorry I call you fat and don't want to show you off.

You allowed me to run my first 5K, supporting a body that may not have been ready for that yet!


Dear stomach...

I'm sorry I gained so much weight that automatically went to you. I'm sorry I eat bad food even though I know you will get upset and I'm sorry that I hate you more than anything on my body.

I promise to reevaluate the things I am eating that will cause you so much pain. I promise to concentrate on you throughout my weight loss. And I promise to *try* to hate you a little less.


Dear arms...

You allowed me to pick up the children in my life and flip them upside down, give them kisses, give them piggy pack rides, give them hugs and so much more. You wrap around the people I love.


Dear hands...

You are my primary sense of touch. You let me touch someone's face while I kiss them. You let me work and type. You let me cook, clean and be productive.


Dear mouth & lips...

I'm sorry I look in the mirror and hate my lips. I'm sorry that I didn't take care of my teeth well enough when I was little and now have too many fillings.

Thank you for allowing me to say "I love you", "I miss you" and so many other things. Thank you for allowing me to sing, smile and kiss. And thank you for allowing me to taste foods from all around the world.


Dear nose...

I'm sorry that you are allergic to everything! I'm sorry I don't take my medication or go get the injections you need so you're not stuffy and sneezy.

You give me my sense of smell, allowing me to smell mom's cooking or the scent of a man fresh out of the shower.


Dear ears...

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy a symphony, opera or musical. Thank you for allowing me to hear the voices of the people I love. Thank you for all sounds you allow me to hear - from dogs barking to birds chirping to children laughing.


And dear eyes...

I'm sorry I strain you by not wearing my glasses when I read or drive. I'm sorry I expose you to the sun because I don't want to wear sunglasses since they make my face break out.

You have allowed me to see so much throughout my life. Colors, animals, places and people. You produce my tears when I am upset or crying out of pure joy. Without you, I would be lost.


So thank you, body. I know I put you through strain and abuse. I only have one of you and I will do my best to remember to take care of you.

Regrets & Disappointment

Ahhhhh, love. When will you find me?
Need I remind you that I am now 31 years old and I would like to be married and have children one day?

I've spent a good amount of time in the past couple weeks thinking about love. What had happened was....

I had been talking to this guys for 2-3 months before we actually went out. We talked every day or two and texted throughout the day, every day. There was obviously a connection and we seemed to have a lot in common. We went out a couple times and he made a point to tell me how much he liked me, how he didn't want to leave, blah blah blah. I really liked him. And maybe I didn't realize it at the time; I really liked him. Then BAM, gone. No calls, no texts, no response of any kind - nada. So for about a week, I was really upset about it. I was upset because I really don't think I did anything wrong. But even more importantly, as I realize now, I was upset because I allowed myself to really like him. We had great phone conversations, we were at similar places in life and the chemistry was there. I really thought it was possible that he would be around for a long time, but it didn't work out that way and so I was upset.

Then I went to Michigan to hang out with some old college friends. And my Physician friend proceeds to go into the details of how dangerous it is to have a child at 35 or older. Obviously at 31, chances are that I would not meet a guy, fall in love, get married, spend some time married and alone with each other and then have children all before 35. This makes me realize more than ever that I wasted too much damn time loving one person who did not deserve it, at least not for that length of time.

I've made a pact with a couple of single friends (there are only a couple left!) to get ourselves out there more. Next week I'm going to a singles bartending event downtown and then next weekend the three of us are having a single girls night out downtown. I'm trying to concentrate on bettering myself and being more social/meeting new people. Who knows, maybe my next post will be completely different!

OMG

OK so I literally just figured out about one minute ago that I may just set goals that are a bit much. Go figure. So I'm not going to meet my 50 pound goal by July 11, but I'm happy to say that I'm back on track again. When I had my gallbladder out a couple weeks ago, everyone told me how horrible the post-surgery diet is and how much weight I would lose. Boy were they wrong. Before the surgery, I couldn't eat anything dairy or anything with high fat. So I limited myself to a lot of fruit and bread. But after I had a pretty solid recovery, that left me craaaaaving all the types of food I had missed out on. So no weight loss post surgery (actually a 0.6lb gain), BUT this week I lost 3.2lbs. 37 pounds total. So it won't be 50 by July 11, but hopefully it will be somewhat close.

And on to my next goal that I can honestly say is not "a bit much" but more like a "I bit off more than I can chew" type goal. Today I signed up for a half-marathon. Between getting a bug in my head that keeps telling me to get out and do more things AND wanting to have another goal for my weight loss, I told myself I could do this. And after a couple of grueling nights on the treadmill, I realize this is really not looking good. I have 12 weeks and two of my friends are joining me, so I'll train my hardest! But at this point I can only run (slowly) for about 2 minutes....and then of course I need a rest because I'm dying. This is all fine and dandy, but the catch is that you cannot slow down below a 13 minute mile or they take you out of the race! "I can do that!" I thought. Then I realized that this basically means you cannot walk much at all. Walking at a 4 puts you at a 15 minute mile. Which equals me being booted out of the half marathon. Anyway, I'll try my hardest and if I don't make it, at least I tried. But if I do make it, I will be so proud of myself!!

I'm not giving up on myself this time, people. I might fall off track every once in awhile, but the end goal is in sight.

10% of me, gone!

Well I finally hit my 10% goal in my weight loss AND I lost quite a few pounds above that! I'm down a total of 33 pounds. WHOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! Next goal - 50 pounds by July 11. That's when I'm taking a trip to Michigan to see some of my old college friends. Wow, that makes me sound really old, "old college friends"! I haven't seen anyone that I used to live with/hang out with in Michigan for 10 YEARS! I'm very excited, it will be awesome to catch up.

60 pound goal for Mexico in August!

The part I struggle with is that I have SO MUCH further to go. I'm not scheduled to hit my goal weight until next April. :( So while it's so nice to be able to see that big 33 pound weight loss, it's daunting to see how much more I have to lose. Sometimes that sets me back. But I've got a great group of girls that are back on track now for Weight Watchers. And Karla is doing awesome and we are both very competitive, so that definitely helps. But she's almost done! Only about 10 more pounds and she's at her goal weight - WAY TO GO, KARLA!! And now a couple of my other friends are doing WW so I hope everyone sticks with it so we can motivate each other!

To next April!

wooooooooooooot!

26.2 pounds my friends! I'm on my way (or on my "weigh", hehe). I'm so thankful for the people that are supporting me. We started off with 6 people in our group, but most people don't show up for meetings anymore and don't seem very into it. Everyone says they're back this week - I hope so! It is much easier when we are all supporting each other. And I'm so proud of Karla - down over 23 pounds and almost to her goal already! Jeaaaaaaalouuuus! :)

A new me is coming!

I did it!

I lost 4.6 pounds this week so I'm down over 20 pounds total! WHOOHOOO!!! Don't let me give up, people! By the end of the year, I'm going to be at my goal weight!

On a Mission!

So I'm on a mission this week. So far, I'm down 16.8 lbs at WeightWatchers. MY VOW is to make it to the 20 lb mark on Thursday! I've been really good, and I've even worked out 3x so far this week. Wish me luck!

Mexico

Just got back from an awesome work vacation where I was able to bring my BFF Kristie. Met some great people and had a fantastic time. Thought I'd post a few photos.

Week 4

Week 4 of Weight Watchers - I fell off the wagon! I gained 1.8 pounds. We had one very long night of drinking that didn't help, I struggled with restaurant eating, and the meals I made from my WW cookbook were not very good. So, I struggled and I knew I gained before I stepped on the scale. But I'm not giving up....today I'm cooking meals for this week that I know I will like. I WILL get on the treadmill too! :)
Next weekend, I'm going on a Caribbean cruise for work. I'm taking one of my BFFs, Kristie with me. I know it will be a blast but I'm a little worried about being healthy while we're gone. I think I'll be OK on the eating part, but plan to do some drinking. So I am telling myself that I will go to the ship's gym each day. Wish me luck!! :)

A new me

So most everyone around me knows that I joined Weight Watchers this year with 5 of my best work girls. It's been awesome! The six of us go to meetings every Thursday morning together and get weighed in. And we try to eat lunch together at work every day and to keep track of each other. It's really nice to know that we each have the support of the whole group - we get praise when we need it and we get a kick in the ass when we need it! And it also helps that my BFF Massiel is doing WW online! So I've been doing really good (see below!), the group has been doing really good and I feel like I can keep on going with this new lifestyle. The first week of each month, we plan to take a group photo so we can see our progress as a team. I'll post the first photo from the beginning of January as soon as I get it and next week we'll have another one!

Week 1 - lost 7.4 lbs
Week 2 - lost 3.2 lbs
Week 3 - lost 5.6 lbs
So far - down 16.2 lbs!

The Meltaways - First Meeting of January 2009