Thankful

OK so once again I have failed myself.  My last post was about my goals.  I met a couple of them, but the weight loss was a big FAT failure.  I'm at almost my highest weight ever.  However, I feel that something in my brain finally clicked over.  I have new goals, and I'm on my way to meeting them.  I feel great and I feel like I'm back on track.  It really is amazing how much better you feel when you make a conscious choice to be healthier.  I'm tracking my calories and my big fitness goals ARRRRRE:

34 races
150 workouts

both of these are from Thanksgiving 2011 to Thanksgiving 2012

I've already done 2 5Ks and I'm signed up for several more.  If you're reading this, do one with me!  I could use someone by my side.

What changed?  No idea.  I think on Thanksgiving I just realized how tired I am of being alone and unhealthy.  But also how thankful I should be for everything I've been given in this life.  And to truly be thankful, I should treat my body properly - it's the only one I've got!  Hopefully I'll be back on here regularly updating my progress.  Appreciate all of your support!  :)

accountability

here it is. check on me.

september:

9/4-9/10 - fitness ridge

9/25 - paws 5k

by 9/30 - lose 10 lbs

october:

10/2 - bucktown 5k

10/23 - title nine 9k

by 10/31 - lose 20 lbs

november:

11/15 - hot chocolate 15k (goal is to do the 15k, not the 5k)

by 11/30 - lose 30 lbs

december:

by 12/31 - lose 35 lbs

worse than to feel not loved, i think, is to feel not liked.

Stilllll Funky

Still in a funk. :(

Keep trying to get back on track.

Keep failing.

Keep getting into this rut of feeling blah.

Keep wondering if I made the right decision.

Keep trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life.

Keep feeling alone but most of the time don't feel like doing anything about it.

SNAP OUT OF IT! I know!!

BAHHHH!

Ok so I was right to be worried about the transition. I have not been good! Back on track tomorrow, I'm not heading the wrong way again and looking back wanting to kick myself.

The transition from New Orleans to Chicago has been a little stressful and rushed. Or should I say the transition of New Orleans-Des Plaines-New Orleans-Memphis-Bolingbrook-Schaumburg-Chicago. Yeah. I came up to Des Plaines last week planning to work Monday through Friday. Imagine my surprise when they told me on Monday afternoon that they would be moving me on WEDNESDAY. But it's what had to be done. :) I booked a new flight for Tuesday. THEN I got stuck downtown in a work meeting and it went hours long. So I wasn't able to get back to the office to get my belongings and to pick up my rental car. I ended up having to cab it to the airport with just my wristlet! No makeup, no extra clothes, no nothin'.

I was able to convince my sister and law to hop on a flight back to New Orleans with me on Tuesday night. We went out on Bourbon St for a couple hours (she'd never been to New Orleans) and then I stayed up til almost 6am packing. You wouldn't think it would have been that hard. Or, maybe you would and I'm just the dummy. Yeah, that's probably it. The moving company packs everything for you. So I thought it'd be OK to get ready in one night. However, I underestimated how long it would take to do laundry, clean the kitchen, do dishes, etc AND try to pack as much as I could into my trunk for my temporary living place where I'll be for a month. Yep, had to pack enough stuff to get me through a month of living into my trunk. The kitties had to go in the back seat in their cages. After a stressful <24 hours in New Orleans, my sister and law and I were on our way.

We planned to drive halfway and then stay the night in Memphis and drive the rest of the way Thursday. Sharon suggested driving straight, but 14 hours in the car is too long for me (on 2 hours sleep), let alone my poor kitties. About 2 hours away from Memphis I pulled over and asked Sharon to drive. Dumb me, I forgot that the drivers seat on my car was broken. The seat was all the way back and wouldn't move forward. Sharon couldn't reach the pedals :(

She offered to put a bunch of stuff behind her but by then I had bought a bunch of caffeine and sugar and figured I could finish up the drive. As soon as we got back on the road, we hit really bad weather. I don't know how we got through it - I couldn't see a thing and Sharon was plastered to the windshield trying to help me see. We made it to Memphis and the next day I saw in their newspaper that there were a bunch of tornados right there. Yikes!

On Thursday, the drive was longer, but it was daytime and Sharon helped drive. Poor Sharon couldn't have been comfortable; we had to stuff bags behind her back so she could reach the pedals. :) The drive seemed shorter since we had gotten some sleep and I was checked into my hotel by 8pm. The kitties were very happy to be out of the car!

On Friday, I had to go back to work right away. I felt bad leaving the kitties in the hotel room. And I was nervous because I didn't know how they'd be (especially SMOKEY). I signed something that said if my pets made noise, they would kick me out. So far so good though! I ended up being gone for over 13 hours between work, the commute to work and a huge ordeal of taking my rental car back (giant pain). I was worried to come back into the hotel room, but the kitties were fast asleep and I hadn't been kicked out. :)

So here I am still in a hotel room. Tomorrow night I move into my temporary apartment. I'm looking forward to that. Even though I still won't have any of my stuff other than what's with me, it will be nice to be out of a hotel. Now I just need to figure out where I'm going to live in the city! WOOT! Anywho, this was a big giant ramble of nothingness. Sorry if you read all the way to the end waiting for something to happen! :)

5/8 - 5/14

total calories burned = 22,792

- total calories consumed = 13,001

= 9,791 calories GONE

/3500 =2.8 lbs GONE

When I weighed in, the scale said I lost 1/2 lb. However, I didn't weigh in first thing in the morning, so that had an effect. AND my calories consumed has a lot of estimates and includes a lot of bad food. I was in the airport and sick last Sunday and allowed myself to eat crap. Then I took my employees out to a Mexican restaurant and couldn't resist some of the food like I thought I could. Then my mom was in town and I was better than I would have been in the past, but definitely not good.

In the past couple of weeks, I've had a big decision on my mind. I had a couple job opportunities present themselves - both required a big move. In the end, I chose a new job back in Chicago. I'm very happy because I'll get to be with my friends and family again. And I've always wanted to live in Chicago, so I'm planning to rent downtown for a year or so. I'm a little concerned about my ability to stay on track with the weight loss throughout the transition. My last day of work in New Orleans is tomorrow. Then I have some friends coming in town. Then I'll be working M-F in Chicago, staying in a hotel. Then hopefully I'll be back in New Orleans to meet the movers to pack my things followed by a long drive to Chicago. OK now that I wrote that all down, I'm even more concerned about staying on track. :(

5/1-5/7

total calories burned = 23,357

- total calories consumed = 10,441

= 12,916 calories GONE

/3500 =3.69 lbs GONE

The scale said 2 lbs. And actually the scale at the trainer said 1 lb. But I'm happy with my week. I had another quick trip out of town and went off the diet for about 24 hours. But the rest of the week I did well. Worked out 6/7 days and everything. Over the weekend, I was sick with a cold so that didn't help. I didn't feel like putting the effort into being healthy. Today I didn't feel good either but I made sure to eat healthy and I went to the trainer. I didn't want to go at all, but I'm glad I did. I got through the whole hour session and then did an extra mile on the treadmill. It was the best I've ever felt running (jogging). Woot! It's getting to be nearly 100* here every day so I need to make sure I find a way to work out inside. Will continue to go to the trainer and do kickboxing or treadmill on my days off from the trainer. That's all I gots - sorry, boring post this week. :)

4/23-4/30

total calories burned = 22,637

- total calories consumed = 11,885

= 10,752 calories GONE

/3500 =3.07 lbs GONE

According to the scale, I lost 4 pounds. So maybe I caught up with that pound that wasn't showing up last week. :)

I'm still working out with my trainer; that's going really well. I know I'm getting stronger. Everyone at that gym is really serious about what they're doing and they're a great support. They keep on you about nutrition and not just about working out. I really like that! And I'm always honest with them. I'm far from perfect and I'm not going to pretend to be perfect and have them wondering what's going on.

I had a quick trip back to Chicago this weekend. I planned ahead as I usually do regarding working out. I planned to go for a walk/run on Saturday and do a 5K with some friends on Sunday. Well I didn't work out on Saturday, but I was OK with that. I did do the 5K on Sunday and I'm so glad I signed up. It was the perfect day to run in Chicago and I had my best 5k time yet. ANNNNNND I stayed under my calorie goal all weekend!! Super impressed with myself about that. :)

Every time I am "on track" it amazes me how great I feel. I have more energy, I feel better about myself and I know I'm doing the right thing. It makes me wonder how I stay "off track" for so long sometimes. The trainer had me working out with a weight jacket on today. At the end, I was punished for eating too many carbs this weekend and had to wear the jacket on the treadmill while walking on an incline. I was dripping sweat. Finally I asked how heavy the jacket was....I figured 10-15 pounds. He told me it was 40 pounds! Holy crap, it was HARD to work out with that thing on. And it put things into perspective. I used to walk around with that "jacket" of 40 extra pounds on every single day. No wonder I was tired. No wonder I was miserable. And just think what it will be like to be even lighter and even healthier with even more energy. Can't wait!

4/17 - 4/23

total calories burned = 22,879

- total calories consumed = 10,659

= 12,220 calories GONE

/3500 =3.49 lbs GONE

OK so the math didn't work out perfectly....my scale says I lost 2.5 lbs this week, but I'm still happy with that! Total weight loss from my highest weight is 37.5 lbs. 87.5 lbs to go!

I found a new trainer this week. He helped one of my coworkers lose almost 100 pounds. He is pretty much a badass. I'm a little scared. But he is exactly what I need right now. He is involved in your nutrition and he takes the lead on everything he thinks your body needs to lose weight. He is a bodybuilder so he KICKS MY ASS. I've worked out with him twice so far and the aftermath is not fun. Holy soreness! I paid for 9 more sessions with him, 3x per week.

I also finished my first 10K race this week, the Crescent City Classic. It was 87* with 85% humidity and believe me, it felt like sweltering heat when the sun was beating down on you. I knew I wasn't ready to run even half of this race and that I'd be walking a good chunk. I was a little nervous because to me, a 10K was a big deal and people were probably going to take it seriously and be annoyed by my walking. Well, at the beginning of the race, about 50% of people were running, including me (on and off). 2 miles in, about 10% of people were running, not including me. I knew that I could run more, but I was very nervous about my body heat. I decided to walk the rest of the race (fast pace, of course). By the time we got through 5K, you could barely see anyone running. Even the "athletes" of the group seemed very fatigued. It was rare for someone to pass me. That made me feel better, I wasn't the only one getting beat down by the heat! I finished in an hour and 35 minutes. Not a great time, but about where I thought I'd finish. During the race, I heard people call their friends to come pick them up. I saw someone throw up. At mile 1.5, someone had passed out. I heard huffing and puffing out of so many people. People were struggling. And I made it. It was great. :)

I'm going to try to check in here each Sunday (my weigh-in days) so help keep me honest! I need all the motivation and encouragement I can get! HAPPY EASTER!!

Final Results!

Sorry I don't have any other pics to show - I didn't take too many on this trip. I left the resort on Saturday afternoon. I had my weigh-in early Saturday morning, so after 5 days of working out. I lost 8.5 pounds. And I weighed myself again today and I'm actually down 10 now. Most people find that they lose a good amount of weight in the week they get home as well. :)

I had a great time and met a lot of nice people. I tried to always sit at a different table during meals and sit and chat with people when they were outside. So I got to meet a lot of people, but the downside was not getting to spend a ton of time with any one person. But I have a lot of new FB friends now and we can support and encourage each other. I need it!

Today - I didn't get home til about 1:30am. Then I was wide awake even though I was EXHAUSTED. I ended up staying up til 4am and sleeping til after noon. I can't explain how good it felt to sleep in my own bed. Bailey and Smokey were very happy to see me and have not left my side. Bailey is sitting on my leg as I type. :) I made sure to hit the grocery store first thing. I made a list of basics I wanted to have for times that I couldn't cook and a few recipes from the new Hungry Girl cookbook. Don't know Hungry Girl? You need to! Even if you're not a girl! ;) www.hungry-girl.com and look for her cookbooks on amazon. I'm lost without them and she sends a daily FREE email with lots of good recipes and info. OK, I'm done selling HG.

Anywho, the staples quick and easy meals that I like to rely on - I always have stuff on hand for ham sandwiches for a quick meal, and I'm in love with a breakfast burrito (tortilla, 2 slices bacon, 1 wedge laughing cow cheese and scrambled eggs - 3 whites, one whole) and a veggie omelet (3 eggs, one whole, chopped red peppers, green peppers, onion, jalapenos and a little cheese (and sometimes I add a couple slices of bacon)).

To everyone I met this week - thanks so much for your support and let's keep in touch!

Past FRers - I miss all of you and hope I can make it back in September with those who are going. I did book a trip for the week of 9/4 but still not sure if I'll have to push it back or not

Friends & fam - thanks for reading and being interested in this! I need you all more than you know. Being by myself, I can use every ounce of support you can give. :)

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

Negatives from this week:

I fell down on a hike

I have a 3" long blister on my foot

I got lost on a walk by myself today and was gone 2 hours

I got a very pretty sunburn on said hike, with a fancy design

My skin is a giant mess of allergic reaction to something

Positives from this week:

I did it.

I did it, and I did it all. No slacking, no sitting on the sidelines. I'm here to make it count. I'm here to push my hardest.

On today's hike (camelback), I went to the top of the camelback AND I went down into the vortex - something I couldn't do last time because it was full of water. Only 3 people out of my group of 10 made it into the vortex and 4 went to the top of camelback. I really like my new hike group. Tomorrow is a short day - there is no 6am class on Saturdays. You just eat breakfast and you choose whether you want to hike or do a 2 1/2 hour cardio class. Then when you're done there is a stretch class and you're free for the rest of the day other than meals. This is why I choose to leave on Saturday and not Sunday. So since my motto was to do my best, I signed up to do the dreaded stop sign hike again. I figured, it's my last day! I'm going to try to make it all the way up and back down again. If my legs are dead for the next two days, that's OK! I'll be at home! Fine and dandy until I got lost on my walk today and ended up with a painful 3" blister on my foot. So we'll see how it is tomorrow. Here are a buuuuunch of pictures. Enjoy :)

menus from today and yesterday

menus from today and yesterday

stop sign hike - the devil!

top of camelback

this is the vortex

starting to come back up - very hard! much harder than getting down

the knee (getting better!) and foot

Dumas

Dana down! I fell on the hike today. :( I was in a new hike group and feeling great, speeding along and keeping up. Then a rock came up from out of the earth and GRABBED my foot! Imagine! OK, maybe not. Maybe I was going to fast or not paying enough attention. Either way, I smashed up my knee. Nothing serious, just a bloody skinned knee. It was at the beginning of the hike, so it affected me a little, but I still finished the hike (Scout Cave). I didn't take any pictures because I was on this hike last time. I'll post the menu in an upcoming post.

I can't believe I forgot this yesterday. In one of our gym classes where you're supposed to push yourself to the max at intervals, we had a scary thing happen. This older lady all of a sudden couldn't move, couldn't see and didn't know where she was. She's the sweetest thing on earth; it was very hard to see. We thought she was having a stroke and about 6-7 emergency vehicles came really fast. She didn't choose to go to the hospital and is saying it was a mixture of aspirin and medication but some of us aren't sure about that so we're keeping an eye on her today. I told her today she's very popular and everyone's always going to be asking how she is. Every time she made a noise on the machine next to me, I found myself making sure she was OK. The weird part for all of us in the gym was that we had to keep going for the class. We weren't allowed to stop at all. It felt very selfish. But the trainer reminded us that we are here for ourselves and that she was in good hands. I'm glad she's OK!

That's all I gots! Short post today. See y'all tomorrow (maybe).

Struggling With Myself!!!

Here I am back at Fitness Ridge. I arrived on Sunday afternoon....nothing really happens on Sunday other than meeting everyone and the dreaded weigh-in. I was disgusted to see that I weigh almost as much as when I weighed in here 6 months ago. Of course, I did this to myself. I don't know what happened....I was doing so great for 3 months after I left here and then when I went home for Christmas, something in my head changed and I couldn't get back on track and started quickly gaining back everything I had worked so far for.

Monday we had the usual - 6am class, breakfast, long hike (Chuckwalla), mountain class, lunch, then three more classes. It felt a lot harder than I remember. But I made it. :)

Today (Tuesday), same thing really. I was pretty sore when I woke up, but that was to be expected. After the 6am class and breakfast, we went on today's hike (Third Ravine). They put you in a new hike group on Tuesdays. Monday is a sort of assessment hike and then they move you around based on how fast you were. There are 7 groups of hikers - one advanced, several intermediate and a beginner group. Based on Monday, I got put in the highest intermediate group. With the fast, skinny people. Now I know what it's like to bring up the rear of the group. My mantra for the day (before the hike) was NO SELF NEGATIVITY. That was out the window as soon as the hike started. I started the "look what you did to yourself," "you had no problem yesterday, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" and the "I'm not going to make it; I'm slowing everyone down and they're all going to hate me." I'm well aware that this type of self-struggle leads nowhere good. All it did was make me stop more often and come close to tears. It's really the reason I'm here. I know how to lose weight and be healthy, and I feel great when I'm going it. But something's wrong in the ol' noggin'. I vowed to meet with the counselors here this time - something I didn't take advantage of last time.

By the time I got back to my room after the hike, I was a bundle of self-doubt. On top of that, I was really starting to feel some pain in the legs - hips, knees, blisters on feet, etc. I took a 20 min nap hoping it would get better but through lunch and the next classes, it didn't. Then I went to dinner and sat with a group of girls and we talked about the self-deprication. Everyone had done it. Everyone could relate. That felt nice, but still didn't make it go away. I meet with the life coach tomorrow so we'll see how that goes!

I posted some pics below and for the FB girl that was asking, I posted the meal plans as well. Hope it helps. :)

Views from Chuckwalla (above and below)

my hiking group (above) and my fat ass (below) - hey, I told you, I'm still working on it.

Mon and Tue menus (above and below)

Back to Fat Camp for Dana

I'm letting my life pass me by. I'm literally sitting here letting life turn out the way I don't want it to. I hit some sort of mental roadblock at the end of the year. I was doing soooo great. But then something happened. Don't know what it was, but I can't get over it. At the Biggest Loser resort in Sep/Oct, I lost 14 pounds. But more importantly than that, I got on track. I was living a healthy lifestyle AND I brought it home with me. For 3 months, I was doing awesome and lost another 25 pounds. But now I've gained it back. All 25. So I'm at or a little above where I was when I left the result. How discouraging!

I think discouragement is a big part of it. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by how far I have to go, I just throw in the towel. I've realized that I need to go back to the resort for a bit because I can't get myself back on track. Every day, I try. Every night, I get myself ready for the next day. And almost every day and night, I fail. Time to take control of my life again, starting with being healthy again. I'll be blogging while I'm there, so check back here soon :)

Change, Change, Change

My how things have changed! And the more things change, the more I reevaluate where I'm at.

I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm very thankful for everything I do have. I have a great job, I don't have to worry too much about money and I have great friends and family. It's just that I never thought I'd be in the situation I'm in.

I'm not going to lie - it's tough being away from your friends and family in a town where you know no one. I'm lucky enough to have nice people to work with, but I'm definitely struggling with making new friends outside of work. It's very easy to stay inside your little cocoon at home where it's nice and safe and it's difficult to think of places to go alone that will be safe and where you'll meet new friends. It's a little strange to think of a better way to say "Hey, I'm a loser with no friends. Wanna be my friend?" ;)

I sold my house, but it's bittersweet. I definitely needed to sell or I would be stuck with a mortgage in Indiana and expensive rent to pay in New Orleans, which I wouldn't be able to afford. But now, it's just that if I wanted to go home, there's no "home" to go to. No safety net. I'm here now...with no escape plan! :)

I guess no one knows where they're going to end up. And again, I don't mean to come off as complaining. I have a good life and to a great extent, your life is what you make it. It's just that I'd trade everything I've got for true love and a family of my own. Am I the only out there to feel this way?