I've been a little down in the dumps lately.
Work has taken a pretty big hit with the economic situation and we've had to go through difficult job eliminations of people that were close to us. Nothing I do ever seems quite good enough. I'm constantly hearing "why haven't you done this" and "you better get some revenue through this door or we're not going to be here much longer". I feel like I'm letting my employees down on a daily basis. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I say, physically, out loud, is "NOOOOO!!" It's not that work is so horrible or anyone there is so awful, it's just everything added together on top of feeling down in the dumps.
My friends are great. But I don't see my old friends that often and usually most of them don't have any money to go do anything. Not going out much doesn't help the down in the dumps feeling. Most of my friends are married and/or have kids. And let me put out the disclaimer that I love them all, I really love all their children and I'm very happy that they're happy (mostly!). But sometimes it's just a reminder of what I don't have and what doesn't appear to be lurking around the corner. Sometimes being surrounded by marriage and kids (and sometimes hearing about little other than kids) makes me feel down in the dumps.
Which brings me to my next subject - the good ol' love department. I'm very comfortable living alone and I'm very adjusted to my lifestyle. But sometimes that scares me. I'm a little too comfortable. I get used to being alone and sometimes don't even think about the fact that time is creeping up on me. No, I know I'm not 40 or 50 years old. But I'm 30 and I am alone. I spent far too much time with the same guy, who brought me many good things in my life, but who I held onto for far too long. I'm 30 and alone, and no relationship appears to be coming in the near future. So the thought that I could be alone forever gets me down in the dumps.
But all the down in the dumps feelings aside, tonight I have decided to get on the ball. I finally got my butt back on the treadmill. It makes me feel better, physically and mentally. And not to mention that it can't hurt in the "finding a man" department! I'm making the decision to care more about how I look and present myself, instead of being comfortable the way I am. I'm going back downtown to take another class in January, even though I don't have to. And I will get out there and do more things, even if I have to go by myself. I know I've said this before, but I WILL. NO MORE DOWN IN THE DUMPS!
