Struggling With Myself!!!

Here I am back at Fitness Ridge. I arrived on Sunday afternoon....nothing really happens on Sunday other than meeting everyone and the dreaded weigh-in. I was disgusted to see that I weigh almost as much as when I weighed in here 6 months ago. Of course, I did this to myself. I don't know what happened....I was doing so great for 3 months after I left here and then when I went home for Christmas, something in my head changed and I couldn't get back on track and started quickly gaining back everything I had worked so far for.

Monday we had the usual - 6am class, breakfast, long hike (Chuckwalla), mountain class, lunch, then three more classes. It felt a lot harder than I remember. But I made it. :)

Today (Tuesday), same thing really. I was pretty sore when I woke up, but that was to be expected. After the 6am class and breakfast, we went on today's hike (Third Ravine). They put you in a new hike group on Tuesdays. Monday is a sort of assessment hike and then they move you around based on how fast you were. There are 7 groups of hikers - one advanced, several intermediate and a beginner group. Based on Monday, I got put in the highest intermediate group. With the fast, skinny people. Now I know what it's like to bring up the rear of the group. My mantra for the day (before the hike) was NO SELF NEGATIVITY. That was out the window as soon as the hike started. I started the "look what you did to yourself," "you had no problem yesterday, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" and the "I'm not going to make it; I'm slowing everyone down and they're all going to hate me." I'm well aware that this type of self-struggle leads nowhere good. All it did was make me stop more often and come close to tears. It's really the reason I'm here. I know how to lose weight and be healthy, and I feel great when I'm going it. But something's wrong in the ol' noggin'. I vowed to meet with the counselors here this time - something I didn't take advantage of last time.

By the time I got back to my room after the hike, I was a bundle of self-doubt. On top of that, I was really starting to feel some pain in the legs - hips, knees, blisters on feet, etc. I took a 20 min nap hoping it would get better but through lunch and the next classes, it didn't. Then I went to dinner and sat with a group of girls and we talked about the self-deprication. Everyone had done it. Everyone could relate. That felt nice, but still didn't make it go away. I meet with the life coach tomorrow so we'll see how that goes!

I posted some pics below and for the FB girl that was asking, I posted the meal plans as well. Hope it helps. :)

Views from Chuckwalla (above and below)

my hiking group (above) and my fat ass (below) - hey, I told you, I'm still working on it.

Mon and Tue menus (above and below)